Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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