I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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