Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
