Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can I color on your dick again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
