69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
