I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
