I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
