About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
