All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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