Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
