I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
