i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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