are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
