Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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