There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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