No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
