This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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