afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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