I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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