So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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