just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
