Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize