you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
