then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
