Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
