I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
