I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
