I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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