If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My ass is underappreciated
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
