TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
