He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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