ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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