she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
