Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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