Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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