i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
