Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
