he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
