my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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