I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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