will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
