belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
