i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
