I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
