I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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