i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
