in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
