alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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