I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
