In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
