Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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