this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
