very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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