I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
