If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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