she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
