he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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