she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
