when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
