it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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