I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
