July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
