Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
