I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
