I think im going to throw up on grandma
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize