I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
