So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
