Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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