Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
