I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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