I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
