Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
