The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
