You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The air taste purple.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize