who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
