if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The adults are the big ones right?
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