Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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