I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
