I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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